Hello. It’s been a year, tumblr.

I haven’t made a post in that long. I’ve moved to reddit tbh. But anyways. Why I’m here. I’ve realized a couple things:

1) I only wanna hurt myself when I fuck up. When I do something so dumb that it hurts me or someone I love greatly. So I’ve compensated by being more chill about things, being a yes man, pleasing everyone. And by not being dumb, which I’m not good at but I’m working on.

2) tumblr has done a great job of hiding all the medical gore and blood/guts I like to look at so I don’t go do something dumb again. So fuck me, I guess

brendanwtf:

circlebutt:

helpihavedementia:

brogigayo:

ticktaec:

tyleroakley:

My body is ready.

I know it’s mashed potatoes and gravy but is it bad that I thought it was ice cream and caramel?

 …it is ice cream and caramel

why would anyone put mashed potatoes and gravy in an apple

fucking what

Y’all bullied someone straight off tumblr bc of mashed potatoes lmao

positive-memes:

This👏Is👏Verry👏Wholesome

lolzandtrollz:

Please Upgrade My Banana

zlall:

Hasan Minhaj feat. “Okay, but Tan, I’ll look like _____” +

im-a-luthor:

elcomics:

Ark. Written by Ehud Lavski. Art by Yael Nathan. If you like it, please share.

Contact: elavski@gmail.com

Keep it up. Maybe I’ll finally be able to leave you one day. God knows I stay way too long trying to make things work

beatlesweatles:

sneakyfeets:

sneakyfeets:

my wife’s so cute because we both love animals so much but her way is very pure and genuine whereas my family is:

me, holding up my cat: stinky

wife: no!! don’t be mean!!!

me, swaying him back and forth in the air: stinky bastard man

wife: No!!!!!!!!

my mother, not looking up from chopping veggies: naughty boy. brat cat

wife, distraught: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In case anyone doubted the validity of my claims: 

The wife:

The mom:

haltraveler:

greenbaconsmoothie:

softsweetskin:

me and the boys

this is peak Arizona

Where’s the other 27-47?

5luv:

5luv:

5luv:

there’s an ariana stan on twitter who got her phone taken off her and is accessing it thru any device she can find lmaoooo

you cannot make this shit up

free our girl dorothy

wellthatsjustgreat:

The next time they tell you Americans are “happy” with their employer provided health insurance remember that that “happiness” is fueled by willful ignorance of what the alternatives are really like and fear of losing what little crappy health care they currently have.

pochowek:

amosseleznev92:

banishedquasiroyal:

timurmurtazin:

banishedquasiroyal:

plump9000:

banishedquasiroyal:

daystxlker:

banishedquasiroyal:

daystxlker:

banishedquasiroyal:

FUCK silverfish

if those are the little bug things that look like centipedes yeah fuck em omfg

I HATE THEM SO MUCH

OH IN MINECRAFT I THOUGHT YOU MEANT. REAL ONES

SLDKJFLSKDJLFSDF

wait

WHAT DO YOU MEAN REAL ONES

where do you think the name came from

i don’t know, tumblr user plump9000. i sort of thought they weren’t real, like endermen. or creepers.

>implying endermen aren’t real

really not liking what you’re implying buddy

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khaleesiis:

emmy award….. now.